Turkey Day is here! No matter where you are, or who is cooking your turkey, you must admit: Thanksgiving is a “corny” holiday. We do “corny” things to mark the occasion, like watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade, even though doing so is like viewing a perpetual rerun. The only things that change in the spectacle from year to year are the Broadway dance routines, and even they look much the same as last year's high steppers. A new, giant balloon might be added, depending upon current trends in kiddie cartoons, but if I've seen one balloon, I've seen them all. Viewing the parade is tradition, however.
As is watching “Miracle on 34th Street, ” the 1947 black and white version, of course; there is no Kris Kringle other than Edmund Gwenn, no “female Scrooge” other than Maureen O'Hara, and no better way to kick off the holiday season. (Disney can produce all the remakes it wants, but they can't recreate an American tradition like Edmund Gwenn!)
Thanksgiving is a cornucopia of family traditions, like my Mom's Thanksgiving muffins, the scarecrow on the front lawn, my sister-in-law's spectacular sausage stuffing, place cards and place mats crafted by preschool hands, children singing “gobble, gobble, gobble,” and dumb Thanksgiving jokes. To add to that tradition, here's a bit of very corny Thanksgiving humor (thanks to www.theholidayspot.com) to spice up your Turkey Day dinner conversation.
What key has legs and can't open doors?
Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey.
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!
Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it.
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape.
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore.
Okay, folks, go slap on the feed bag, and chow down. Happy Thanksgiving!