Recently Fair Haven Councilman Robert Marchese said “We’re forced to balance the rights of the trees with the rights of the property owner”. This scary quote has caused the following un-intended consequences:

1.      Rumson and Red Bank trees have been observed, late at night, crossing the border into Fair Haven so they too can enjoy these privileged rights.

2.      The Fair Haven code enforcement officer will be forced to give up her car thereby eliminating her carbon footprints all over town and will be supplied with a pair of slightly used roller blades.

3.      The savings made by getting rid of the code enforcer’s car will be used to construct a fence around Fair Haven to halt the illegal immigration of foreign trees seeking rights.

Happy Fourth of July, enjoy what’s left of your freedom.

Barry Caulfield
Fair Haven

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