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ATLANTIC HIGHLANDS HERALD |
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ADHD IS NOT JUST AN AFFLICTION OF ITALIAN DOGS It’s a proven fact. Dogs can have ADHD, ( Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and the numbers afflicted are phenomenal. This does not surprise life-long dog owners. Most of us have always suspected that there was something not quite right about our ‘Max.’ Now the whole thing is out in the open, thanks to our free press and a saucy little Veterinary Psychiatrist known as Dr. Heidi Vander Litter. Pet people are flocking to her and other dog psychiatrists by the pack to have their dogs treated for ADHD. Today, ADHD treatment tops Obedience Training in popularity and in the size of the fortunes spent by frantic owners. It is appropriate to make clear at his point that those at the other end of the wild-eyed-dog leash are all very new to pet ownership. Long term dog owners have not fallen for this latest scare fad even though a bikini-clad Dr. Heidi is being featured this month in “Dog Sports Illustrated,” where she Is shown unmercifully teasing an Italian Royal Bull Mastiff in the first few photos. Dr. Heidi claims to have cured this regal canine of ADHD. As proof, he is seen in a later photo sitting atop Heidi’s head in what she describes as the dog’s submissive pose. That fine animal, impressively named Da Vinci Mozzarella III, does indeed look very much at ease as he quietly enjoys the view of Rome from Heidi’s head. He doesn’t seem to be in the least hyperactive. Most viewers, however, have just a bit of trouble seeing Heidi as the dominant partner in that tableau. Dr. Heidi goes on to explain that a lot of people don’t understand these subtle nuances in their animal’s passage from mindless aggression to the more creative mode as shown in Da’s very playful poses. Next scene captured in the photo spread was that of Da Vinci rolling Dr. Heidi down a rather steep hill. Dr. Heidi was described in the feature story as laughing hilariously at these antics all the way downhill and into the deep crevice at the bottom. But looking closely at that photo, my artist friend suggested that the petite doctor was a dead ringer for the subject of Munch’s famous painting, “The Scream.“ A footnote to the magazine article mentioned that Da Vinci’s owners, il Duce and el Duchesse da Misfortunato, have graciously donated their now fully functioning and focused mastiff to the Benedictine Monastery at Acquafina. Here Da will attend the monks at their prayers as the head guard dog, so to speak. Seems like a happy life for all. After all the furor about ADHD quiets down, we less professional dog lovers get to speak our piece, and our advice is not going to cost anyone a boodle. It’s very simple. Almost all dogs have ADHD when they are pups. They do crazy things like racing you ‘to the top of the stairs’ and then racing you ‘down the stairs’ in a tricky “between your legs” maneuver that brings you both to the bottom in a heap. The one who’s heard to yelp first gets the sympathy of the family. But I’ve rarely ever heard “Bad Dog!” or “Poor Mom!” said by anyone in my family although I’m certain that I’ve always begun screaming well before I hit bottom. ADHD is the reason that, when the cry goes out, “Where are my car keys?”, the answer always given is, “Look on the key hook or look out in the backyard.” This has always puzzled our non-dog owner guests until one of us walks back in the house with dirty, dug up keys. Our guests would often confer quietly with one another, thinking they were out of earshot. “Why do they put up with that nonsense.? I’d get rid of that animal in a blink!” Well, here’s the carefully kept secret. Dog lovers have ADHD too. It makes them affectionate and accepting of their canine fellow travelers. Life’s reward is that, as age creeps up on them, both master and dog drop a ‘letter’ and become only ADD afflicted. To illustrate: Now Coco grunts, “How do I know where your car keys are? I haven’t budged from this sofa all morning. And don’t think I’m going to follow you downstairs. I’ve already been out once this morning. Look. Watch my eyes closely. See. They’re closing again. Doesn’t that mean, ‘Don’t bother me?’” Then I pat her head and say, “Good dog, ‘go sleepy.’” So you see, life in its wisdom brings us full circle. Let Dr. Heidi try to unravel the complexities of both puppyhood and human nature. We dog fanciers, you and I and Coco, we’ve solved the mystery of dogs and humans being ideal companions for ever so many eons. It may be just a matter of learned tolerance for one another. MORE . . . Here’s cell phone info that seems pretty important. I got a recent email advising me that cell phone numbers would soon be made available to telemarketers. Every call they make to you will cause a charge on your bill. So get yourself on the DO NOT CALL LIST. Dial them at 1-888-382-1222. This is the National Do Not Call Registry. This will protect you for five years. You must call using the cell phone number that you want to protect. The instructions are given to you over the telephone . It’s fast and easy. I just did it. MORE . . . The Long Branch Coalition to save homes from Eminent Domain abuse is taking action. The first step on the agenda is to have concerned people contact K. Hovnanian. You can get their email from their website or write them in Middletown and Red Bank. Let them know that you are aware of the low-ball prices they've encouraged Long Branch to offer residents who are fighting to keep their homes. Let them know that you are a socially responsive investor. If you think this is a bad business practice, let them know. Every voice counts to those who have so little power. Just maybe, you can help make it into a 'David and Goliath' struggle. 
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