Jersey City, NJ – Today, Mayor Steve Fulop proudly announced his candidacy for New Jersey Governor. Running on the Republican line, Fulop has already started lining up key supporters and staff.
“Everyone knows Jersey City has always been just a stepping stone for me,” said Fulop. “I want to be governor. And the easiest path will be pursuing my ambition via the Republican Party – where so many of my financial and political allies already reside. By announcing today, I hope they’ll forgive my support for the DREAM Act and Paid Sick Leave, and instead remember how - from education reform to privatization efforts - I’ve carried their water and taken their money for a long time.”
Fulop originally planned to wait until 2016 to make his official switch to the GOP. However, last night he had a dream where he was swimming across the Hudson River and Steve Sweeney and Philip Murphy were about to overcome him. Even worse, John Wisniewski, Raymond Lesniak, Marie Corfield, Joe Piscopo and NJ Weedman weren’t far behind. So, this morning, Fulop put away his blackberry, slipped into his wetsuit and made the big announcement.
“Abandoning his allies has worked out swimmingly for Fulop, so I’m going to take a page from his playbook and support Fulop for Governor,” said Joshua Henne, Fulop’s new spokesman. “The way he’s flipped back and forth so often as to what’s politically expedient, there’s a 50-50 chance Fulop would switch back to being a Democrat after 2017 anyway.”
Over the course of the next year, Fulop plans on hiring Christie’s campaign staff and apparatus. NJ Transit’s Michael Drewniak will become Fulop’s Communications Director…as soon as Christie Communications Director Maria Comella signs off. All other hires will transpire as soon as the Christie presidential campaign crashes and burns on the fields of Iowa and New Hampshire - where Christie is being outpolled by Donald Trump.
Governor James E. McGreevey, Assemblyman Declan O’Scanlon and State Senator Kevin O’Toole will serve as Fulop’s Campaign Co-Chairs.
“I just want to be relevant again,” said McGreevey. ”As a Former-Governor-American, I can attest that Fulop hits the political trifecta: my non-stop work ethic, a low moral compass and even more transactional than I ever was.”
“Even though he had to google my name, Fulop has long enjoyed strong connections to Monmouth County Republicans,” said O’Scanlon “The same people down here who’ve supported me and were instrumental in Mitt Romney’s campaign have long backed Fulop - even before they were caught soliciting $10,000 a head at a fundraiser for his mayoral election in Jersey City. Hey, so long as he’s against red light cameras, Fulop’s my guy!”
“When I funneled Fulop tens of thousands of dollars for his mayoral campaign, I had to sneak it in at the last minute so voters didn’t know about it until after Election Day,” said O’Toole. “Today, New Jersey’s Republican Party is building bridges…instead of closing them. With Fulop at the top of our ticket, we’ll continue the stellar job Christie’s done for our state’s economy, transportation infrastructure and pension fund.
In July 2013, Fulop invited Christie to headline his swearing-in ceremony. Throughout that year’s gubernatorial campaign, Fulop failed to lift a finger to help Democratic nominee Barbara Buono. In fact, Fulop set up meetings between his Jersey City Council Team and Christie gubernatorial campaign operatives – as Christie aide Matt Mowers testified about during legislative Bridgegate hearings.
Fulop is currently polling whether to announce Hoboken Mayor Dawn Zimmer as his Lieutenant Governor. These Hudson “reformers” have a shared history of playing footsie with Christie’s political operation and dangling a gubernatorial endorsement. Both went on to immediately use Bridgegate as a tool to garner national media attention.
“Um, Fulop told me he’d deny it if I ever told anyone he asked me about being Lieutenant Governor,” said Zimmer, in yet another interview with MSNBC’s Steve Kornacki. “I know this, because I wrote it in my diary.”