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AHH 24-Hr. News

IMAGE Deputy Chief Craig Weber Selected as New Police Chief
Tuesday, 19 August 2014
PHOTO: Middletown Police Chief R. Craig Weber MIDDLETOWN, NJ - Deputy Chief R. Craig Weber, a life-long township resident, has been unanimously... Read More...
IMAGE Middletown Promotes One Officer and Hires Another
Tuesday, 19 August 2014
PHOTO: Sergeant Kevin Gardiner takes his oath of office surrounded by family. MIDDLETOWN- The Middletown Township Police Department has promoted one... Read More...
Arts Collaborative to Offer Hands-On Art Demo in Coordination with Monmouth Museum Exhibit
Tuesday, 19 August 2014
ASBURY PARK, NJ –Supported by leading art material brands Liquitex, Winsor & Newton and Conté à Paris, The Collective Art Tank, a progressive... Read More...
IMAGE Red Bank Police Report - August 19, 2014
Tuesday, 19 August 2014
Red Bank, NJ - The following police report is provided by the Red Bank Police Department.  All subjects are presumed innocent; unless, and... Read More...
IMAGE Long Branch Native Serves Aboard USS Gerald R. Ford
Tuesday, 19 August 2014
Petty Officer First Class Joseph Errigo is a boatswain’s mate aboard Pre-Commissioning Unit Gerald R. Ford. NEWPORT NEWS, Va. – A Long Branch,... Read More...

Columns

IMAGE Skewed View - August 16, 2014
by Tom Brennan
Saturday, 16 August 2014
Man calls 911 because a drug dealer is at the corner.  Wait, no, that's a street sign: http://bit.ly/1kBfhVf Why did the chicken cross the road?... Read More...
IMAGE Faith Plays Big Role with Mom
by Daniel J. Vance
Friday, 15 August 2014
Every now and then, a person featured here attributes faith as pivotal in their being able to cope with disability—one in themselves or family... Read More...
IMAGE Sending the Last Child to College
by George Hancock-Stefan
Friday, 15 August 2014
This week, our last (fourth) daughter will leave us for college.  Three have already graduated from college and the last one is quasi-ready to... Read More...
IMAGE Bottom of the Barrel – The Mother of all Smokescreens
by Woody Zimmerman
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
More than any president in living memory – and probably more than most presidents in non-living memory – Barack Hussein Obama has repeatedly... Read More...
IMAGE Baby Burrfish Swims in New York Harbor
by Joe Reynolds
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
The waters of New York Harbor are full of surprises. Nature has a way of taking us by surprise, especially near a concrete jungle. Earlier in the... Read More...

Upcoming Events

Thu Aug 21 @ 7:00PM -
The Dead Beat Poet Society
Thu Aug 21 @ 7:00PM - 08:30PM
Free Summer Concert - Manalapan
Sat Aug 23 @12:30PM - 03:30PM
Jersey Shore Rose Society Meets
Thu Aug 28 @ 9:00AM - 11:00AM
Middletown Mayor Open Office Hours
Tue Sep 02 @ 8:00PM -
Middletown Township Committee Workshop

anne_mikolay_2012_120My email address is daily inundated with spam. I can't count how many times I have been notified of a small fortune awaiting me in Nigeria or received instructions to immediately click a link to rectify an error in one of my accounts. Internet scammers tempt me with alleged undeliverable Fedex packages, bogus pharmaceutical companies peddle Viagra, etc., and internet dating sites send me advertisements every week. First out of the gate was Match.com; more recently, Christian-Mingle is on my tail. Thankfully, I am happily “matched” and a contented Christian with no desire to “mingle.” Every morning, I scroll through emails that have wiggled through spam filters, and I delete, delete, delete.

This morning, however, as I went through my usual “delete routine,” a particular piece of spam jumped out at me. Apparently, SeniorPeopleMeet.com, the number one dating site for senior citizens, has invited me to browse their website. Fully aware spam is entirely random, I should have chuckled and instantly hit delete. I didn't. This particular bit of spam gave me pause.

I am being courted by SeniorPeopleMeet.com. Me! Really? Pardon me, but I didn't think I was “there” yet. I don't order from the senior menu, nor do I qualify for senior discounts at Dearborn Farms for heaven's sake! Do I meet the criteria for senior citizen, and exactly what defines a senior anyway?

SeniorPeopleMeet markets itself as a site for “mature, active” people. Okay, I'm mature (forget that I squeal at the site of a puppy, love chocolate, and can do a mean chimpanzee impersonation). I'm active (sort of...I shift around on the sofa from time to time, but I can zip around the supermarket with the best of them). A more expansive definition of senior citizen is required. Seniors, I propose, are identified by three major characteristics: physical appearance, attitude, and mobility.

In our society, “older” means gray/white hair, wrinkles, expanding waist-lines, sensible shoes, and often decreasing physical stature. Seniors are sometimes less enthusiastic about current cultural trends, tire easily, and find new technology baffling. Mobility declines for some; seniors may move slowly, take more time to reach their destination. Why on earth would SeniorPeopleMeet toss me into this lot? When I look into the mirror, “older” does not look back!

Of course, I'm lying through my teeth. Admittedly, I have graying hair, prefer “mom jeans,” and have been advised by my doctor that I am shrinking. I can't muster enthusiasm for certain cultural trends (who the heck were those people singing at the 2012 Rockefeller Center tree lighting anyway?) and can't restore the picture on my television if I accidentally hit the wrong button on my remote, but I still maneuver the supermarket without leaving my cart in the middle of the aisle and don't hold up traffic while waiting for the most convenient parking space to become available. What, then, does this mean? Did SeniorPeopleMeet get it right? Am I one of them?

It means I'm well on my way. That's for sure, but you know what they say! Age is merely mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Take that, SeniorPeopleMeet.com!

Delete!