anne_mikolay_120While flipping through a holiday gift catalog, I came across a pillow embroidered with a catchy, little phrase perfectly defining the modern day Christmas: “Dashing Through the Dough!” Amused, I wondered. Who created this clever seasonal slogan? I then realized that I didn't even know who wrote the beloved Christmas carol upon which the phrase is obviously based. 

“Jingle Bells,” I have learned, was written in Medford, Massachusetts in 1850 by James Lord Pierpont. Originally published in 1857 as “One Horse Open Sleigh,” the song was inspired by Medford's popular sleigh races. Though Pierpont wrote the song to commemorate Thanksgiving, through the years it has become associated with Christmas as “Jingle Bells. “One Horse Open Sleigh” depicts life during Pierpont's time, when well dressed ladies and gentlemen gathered for carriage rides, and horses' tails were docked (bobtailed) to prevent them from becoming tangled in the reins. In its original form, “Jingle Bells” really has no meaning for our contemporary society. Perhaps Pierpont's composition should be reworded to more accurately reflect present day materialistic holiday pursuits.

I am up to the challenge. 

Thus, inspired by the anonymous author of that clever merchandising phrase, and with thanks to James Lord Pierpont, I give you my version of “Jingle Bells,” retitled “Dashing Through The Dough.”

 

Dashing Through the Dough!

 

Dashing through the dough!

My credit cards in hand,

To the mall I go.

The bargains I have planned!

Outside every store,

Santa rings his bell,

Begging, “please give more!”

He's fake, the kids can tell!

 

(chorus)

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Shop until we drop!

Oh! What fun it is to charge!

Oh! We just can't stop!

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Shop until we drop!

Overspend! Overcharge!

Oh! We just can't stop!.

Black Friday, here we go!

Shoppers, please take heed.

Got my list in tow!

Gettin' everything I need!

Racing here and there,

I may seem out of wack.

Lookin' for gift receipts

Cuz I ain't comin' back!

 

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Shop until we drop!

Oh! What fun it is to charge!

Oh! We just can't stop!

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Shop until we drop!

Overspend! Overcharge!

Oh! We just can't stop!

Dashing through the dough!

Still have things to find!

CDs, iPhones, Elmo.

 I'm about to lose my mind!

Old Navy, Macy's, Kohl's!

So much left to get.

I've yet to meet my goals.

Home...to the internet!

 

Happy Shopping. Folks!