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ATLANTIC HIGHLANDS HERALD |
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PAST REGRETS, PRESENT WRONGS Two news events this week caught my attention. One was a pro-life demonstration by thousands of young people who came to Washington to mark and decry the thirty-second anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision. That decision (in case any readers have been out of the country since 1973) struck down all state abortion laws and essentially legalized abortion at any time for any reason. It changed the life of the nation and has been the lodestar of “pro-choice” (i.e., pro-abortion) politics for the ensuing thirty-two years. The companion event occurred in Bucharest, Romania, where it was reported that a 66-year-old woman named Adriana Iliescu – a professor of literature at Romania’s largest private university, the Hyperion – bore a child after undergoing fertility treatments. She is the oldest woman in history known to have delivered a living child. Professor Iliescu stated that she had lived a life of “regret” because she had two abortions during her twenties, during a failed, four-year marriage. Subsequently she never gave birth. She said this child fulfills a lifetime dream for her. She is so happy that her earlier “mistakes” – made because abortion was a standard method of birth control in Romania – have now been corrected. Reportedly, Mrs. Iliescu was originally carrying triplets, but one died at 10 weeks and the second, earlier this month. Doctors decided to induce delivery of the remaining child, who was born weighing three pounds and is being fed glucose in an incubator. The juxtaposition of the two events is ironic. On one hand, abortion on demand – enacted by judicial fiat – remains the law in the USA, despite swelling opposition, growing disquiet among millions of women who have had abortions, and an awareness by politicians (including Democrats) that the situation is not politically viable. On the other hand, women carrying a lifetime of guilt and grief over earlier abortions are now bearing children at ages when many should be doting on their grandchildren. The story of Professor Iliescu cuts one to the heart. It is so sad. We feel her pain and wish that she might have had better counsel – or the religious training she says she lacked – when she was a young woman. What a pity that all those years of youth and energy – when she might have borne and raised a child – were wasted. Yet her “cure” – her “dream come true” – of bearing a child at the age of 66 looks worse than the “disease” of old-aged childlessness. The odds that she can even live until her child reaches maturity are heavily against her. It is likely that someone else will raise her child. Nor is it clear that the baby – delivered by a woman of such age – will even be healthy and normal, since the incidence of poor infant health and deformity increases dramatically with the age of the mother. As yet, we have no reports of the child’s condition and prognosis. Beyond these considerations, the entire scenario of a single woman in her seventies and even eighties raising a girl into young womanhood is appalling. It is the kind of story one might expect to see in films, where love, grit and good intentions conquer all. But this is not a movie, and a child’s life is not a cinematic adventure. Obviously, the Creator could have arranged for childbirth to occur, naturally, at a much greater age. Indeed, some people believe this should be the case, since older people typically have greater financial resources to raise a child. Some sociologists even recommend it. All around us, today, we see couples waiting until in their thirties, even forties – well settled in their careers and financially set – before they begin their families. But this runs counter to the way God (or Nature, if you prefer) actually ordered things. Anyone who has raised children knows very well why this unique experience of life is entrusted to young people. First, of course, is biology. As a rule, young men father healthier children, and young mothers bear healthier babies. The whole difficult and stressful exercise of pregnancy and birth is meant for a young, healthy woman. There are exceptions, of course, but this is how things work. No amount of specious or politically correct argument will change it. Just as important are the energy and strength parents need to raise a child. My wife and I had our three children when we were in our twenties. We didn’t have much money, but we were strong and energetic. I played ball with the boys and went to see their games. We worked on their old jalopies and built things together. My wife had energy for endless projects and field trips, sewing Halloween costumes, getting the kids ready for church, and any number of other activities. My enduring memory is of her holding a baby with her left arm while she prepared meals. Besides working and raising the children, Carol and I had our own adult activities of sports and music. We had a social life with other couples. We did church and community projects. As young people we could do all of this. By our mid-forties, the children were raised and that frenetic level of activity was past. And a good thing, too. I won’t say this is impossible for parents in their forties and fifties. Some manage it. But it is certainly more difficult. You simply don’t have the same level of strength and energy that you had in your twenties and thirties. I recall my haggard, forty-something colleagues dragging themselves to the office after another sleepless night with a new baby. It is tough work. More to the point, a parent needs the will to form a child and teach him to control his own formidable reserves of undisciplined will, energy and strength. An older parent often lacks the strength needed to combat the strong will of a defiant, confident four-year-old – or a willful teen who wants her own way and knows how to wear her parents down until she gets it. Many older parents cannot outlast a child’s will. They simply surrender and let the toddler or teenager have his/her way. This robs the child of a disciplined upbringing and only delays the reckoning to a later time when correction might be either impossible or very, very expensive. All around me I see parents in their late forties – even fifties – trying to cope with the strength and will of young children, or parents in their sixties losing the battle with rebellious teenagers. No amount of money can replace the will and vigor needed to cope with the strength and energy of children. Not only is parenting not for the faint of heart. It is not for the old. But there is no denying, say the learned experts, that a family needs financial resources to raise children, and older parents are much better equipped in this respect. At a certain level, this is true. Parents must be able to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. Children need to be clothed. The necessities of life must be covered. Let’s stipulate that. Beyond that, however, my experience (which is considerable) is that children do not comprehend how well off their family is, except at the upper and lower limits. Certainly, they know if they are hungry or have no home. A friend of mine tells how shocked he was to learn, as a child in the mid-1930s, that his family was poor. It affected him for his entire life by building a fire within him to achieve and never be poor again. Other children, who realize their families are rich, can actually be so controlled by that knowledge that they don’t learn how to deal with having limited means. They never learn how to be poor, thus missing a valuable teaching experience of life. But in the vast middle ground of having enough to eat, a place to live, and clothing to wear, most children cannot calculate family wealth. Nor do they care, for the economy of a child is not monetary. Instead, its “currency” is the time, attention and emotional support of his parents and siblings. A child can be happy for hours playing with a cardboard box, a few sticks, and an old wheel. After that, he will move on to digging in the dirt and making a bow and arrow from sticks. What he craves most is not things but his parents’ unconditional love, their honest approval, their enduring presence. A child whose parents are there for him – who has the deep confidence that they will always be there for him – can do marvelous things in his life, despite the straitened financial circumstances of his rearing. Our history is rich with stories of such children who grew up to be the nation’s heroes. Lincoln grew up dirt poor, but the love and support of his stepmother molded his character and enabled him to become the great man he was. Since 1973 Americans have aborted over 40 million children. An entire generation that should be working, learning, growing, and building the nation’s future is simply not there. Millions of women – just like Mrs. Iliescu – thought they had good reasons to destroy those children. Today, many of them might wish they had not done so. And some might think they can still have a child, even at a very late age. If your mother was like mine, she told you it was ‘never too late’ to right a wrong or address a grievance. But there are limits to everything. Sometimes, and with respect to some things, it istoo late. Having children is of those things. Let’s not make another mistake trying to correct an earlier one. Parents need to have babies – not abort them – when they are young. Old people need to realize that the time for having children is past. Not every law can be overturned by a judge.
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